


Kirk and the Friend Problem

by MockingSpock



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Angst, Protective Bones, Starfleet Academy, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2018-12-27 18:44:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12087084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MockingSpock/pseuds/MockingSpock
Summary: The problem starts in the Starfleet Academy and doesn't end when Jim goes off into space.





	1. The Assignment

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Star Trek fanfic so I'm not sure how well I've done. I have been a Star Trek fan for a good while though and have been interested in Tarsus IV since I've learned about it. I finally decided to use all of my ideas in a fanfic.

There was a problem right away. My hands were filled with coffee but I really need to push the button to open the door. I decided to look through the window in a vain attempt to make eye contact with Bones who could hopefully read my mind and open the door for me. No such luck as I spotted my favorite doctor intently listening to the lecture. How dare him. Fortunately, I remembered elbows as I carefully held up my arm and pressed the button. The door slid open allowing me to walk through the room allowing everyone's judgmental eyes to land on myself.

I walked towards Bones who already looked disappointed in me. However, I saw a flicker of happiness in those eyes as he saw what was in my hands. "Coffee?" I asked holding the drink out to him.

"You're a damn life saver." Bones said. His quick hands snatched it and poured the warm liquid down his throat. I could almost see him become more awake.

"Perhaps I should be a doctor." I said, sitting down.

I began to tune into what the lecture was about as I began to type the professor's words quickly. There was something about tonight and the auditorium. Then he continued to speak about guests who will being be showing up in the new few weeks to answer any questions we may have for our essay. Oh no, an essay. I don't even know the subject. I'll have to ask Bones over what the topic will be about. I can study it quickly before I began.

Bones took a break from drinking to say, "You're seventeen minutes late to class." Before he returned to his cup.

"I got the good coffee."

Bones nodded still drinking. Hmm-mm." he agreed. "Alright. I'll send you my notes."

I sighed with relief. "Thanks." I said before going back to listening to the lecture. There was a small ping that I quickly muted before clicking on the notes I was sent. Three pages. Bones types faster than me. I was about to look over it before the light was switched off in the room distracting me for a moment.

"Be sure to be in the auditorium at 2100 as we watch the documentary appear on television." Professor Gill said in the darkness before there was a click and a screen appeared.

"Oh sweet a movie?" I whispered.

On the screen Professor Gill clicked through some videos as he looked for a specific one. I leaned forward.

"Not gonna be very enjoyable." Bones said. "We're discussing Tarsus."

I recoiled away from the screen no longer fascinated about what we were about to watch. No no no. "Why?" I asked, sounding similar to a child who just got in trouble and doesn't understand the reason. I grabbed my coffee wondering if I could just walk out. Would that be abnormal? I have left class early before…. Not right after I showed up though.

"Read the notes I sent you kid." Bones said. I clicked through the notes again now looking over what he had typed. _Tarsus IV_. Shit, it's true. My eyes scanned down the page. _Half the population was executed under the order of Kodos due to the lack of food obtained because of the_ "Well hell you actually seem interested, for once." I looked up to see Bones was watching me as he was seemingly amused over the situation. I didn't find it very amusing.

I clicked the page away and sat back attempting to breathe normally – to do everything normally to be normal. I couldn't let Bones figure out something was wrong. It's just a short video. I didn't even need to watch it I could close my eyes… Well, then Bones would wonder why I'm closing my eyes.

"After the trailer, we will discuss the survivors that will appear on the documentary and which ones will be showing up here to speak." Professor Gill said before he stepped back and the video began to play.

There was a quick shot of a boy sitting in a chair looking at someone behind the camera. He had on a blue hoodie in which he stuffed his hands on their pockets. He had a nice shy smile. It was the smile that made me recognize him. Kevin Riley. "It was the perfect place. My parents loved it there. I thought it was finally a place we would call home." He said.

Then the screen went black. It stayed black for a bit before white words appeared that readout

_Sixteen kids on their own._

_Seven eye account witnesses._

The last part stood out to me. Where was the other one? Nine of us made it. Where was the eighth?

The screen went to a woman sitting down now – Francine. She looked beautiful with her dark hair down in a low ponytail on her side. "Things changed so fast." She said. The camera didn't stay on her long as it was now rushing through the woods perhaps to give the impression of running. I didn't care for it. I ran through the woods enough I didn't need to relive the feeling.

"None of us knew what we were doing. We just knew we had to get out of there." I couldn't tell who the voice belonged to. They had made it into a voiceover as the camera was showing places we had hidden when we were on the run. There was a quick shot of a field. The field we lost some people…

It showed photos of some children looking wide-eyed at the camera. They were skinny and bruised. The photos fell on top of each other before staying on a photo of the group a bit longer than the others. The photo was of Kevin, Thomas, Evette, and Donovan when they had been rescued.

"They just hunted us down. A lot of us didn't make it." Another voiceover. This time female.

The screen was black again followed by white words.

_Chilling stories_

A redhead appeared that would have seemed unrecognizable would it not have been for the fact she was the only one in the group with that color of hair. She had been so young. So little. Thomas and I took turns carrying her when she had been injured. "I thought we were going to be caught, but we were so hungry we needed the food." Evette said.

A photo of the soldiers with their weapons flashed on the screen.

"I still can't believe how lucky I was at the time for him to have found me." Another voiceover as a blurry photo of an injured skinny kid looking tired that I recognized as myself. My eyes cut to Bones to see if he caught anything. His eyes remained on the screen.

Black screen white words

_Reports from Starfleet Members_

A Starfleet member I didn't recognize was now talking to someone a little behind the camera- why did I find that annoying. "There were so many mistakes. Mistakes that had cost many lives." She said. Her voice was professional and somber. It reminded me of Pike.

"We had no idea it could get that bad." A voice said over a photo of civilians before the massacre. They were smiling and looking happy but the photo was now black and white for dramatic purposes.

Then the video slowed when it stayed on a different person saying their account. He was a man close to my age with handsome features of dark hair and one dark eye that was actually looking at the camera – the only person that has so far. Even if he wasn't wearing an eyepatch I would know who he was. Thomas.

"It never should have happened." He said.

And for the last time, the annoying black screen and white words said

_The Tales of Tarsus IV_

The light went back on in the room with some sighs of relief. The video must have affected more than just me. I'm going to hate this essay.

* * *

 Walking out of the building with Bones we were both noticeably quieter after the video. It must have been less than two minutes long but the photos were disturbing to look at. We both carried our coffee out the door but Bones was the only one still drinking from it. My minds wandered to the possibilities of how I could rush through the essay and get it over with.

"We have to watch the show tonight. Not gonna be late are you? Should I save you a spot?" Bones asked.

"Yeah." I said. I'm not quite sure what I just agreed on.

Bones must have sensed that my mind was elsewhere because he stopped me. "In case you don't go over the notes in time, you have to pick a kid to write an essay about. It doesn't have to be one of the seven eye account witnesses. It can be any of the nine survivors… So. Pay attention." He said before stepping away and departing to his next class.

I continued to stand there, dreading that night.


	2. The Documentary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim watches the documentary of Tarsus IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who left a Kudos I wasn't sure anyone was going to read it.

I considered sitting in the back. There were less watchful eyes back there and I could leave out the doors at any time I wished without people noticing. I could always tell Bones I couldn't find him. With fewer people, I could also use two seats. Maybe I could even fall asleep and wait this out…. Or I could just leave and claim I showed up. I was really starting to favor that idea.

"JIM!"

That makes leaving a bit more difficult.

I turned back around from the door I was just about to sneak through. Bones was standing near an empty seat and gestured at me to approach. I forced a smile and walked to the second row. Having to squeeze past a group of talkative friends I finally reached the seat. Bones was now sitting and seemed to make himself comfortable as he leaned back acting as if he had been walking all day. Bones sighed. Had he been towering over his seat looking for me the whole time?

"Did I ever tell you I hate documentaries?" I asked. I opened my jacket and pulled out some chips I bought for lunch that I never got to eat. When I had just finally got done with my final class - Gaila had shown up unexpectedly and dragged me away from my room to help her with one of her projects.

"You… Brought snacks..." Bones said.

I shoved a chip in my mouth. "I was hungry." It wasn't until I spoke that I realized how it looked. Oh.

"Of course, you wouldn't see how inappropriate that is."

I sighed and closed the bag of chips. I guess I'll just have to combine lunch with dinner later. "I'm not Kodos, I'm willing to share." I held up the bag towards him.

"I ate." Bones said, He was now staring straight ahead already prepared for the documentary. He was even prepared to take notes.

I put the bag back into my jacket ignoring my stomach. The room was beginning to become louder as more people entered. Bones and I were surrounded by laughter and chatter. I continued to sit there and think of food while waiting for the documentary of Tarsus IV to begin. The irony didn't escape me. Sure enough, no one else had brought food. I let out a sad sound.

"I mean who doesn't eat at the movies? My brother always bought snacks for me!"

Bones turned to look at me with a very judgmental glare that I did not care for. "Food and drinks aren't allowed in the auditorium." He reminded me. I cared even less for those words.

"That's a ridiculous rule. Are you telling me you don't buy popcorn at the movies?" I asked knowing wholly that I was babbling as a distraction for myself.

"Not when it's a documentary about a genocide caused by a famine, no." Bones said.

I furrowed my eyebrows together and held up my hands in a confused gesture. "That's like… Going to watch a documentary about a missing kid and being judged for bringing your children." Why was Bones offended? Why was I listening to him? I was there! I was one of those starving kids! I had half a mind to go buy more food and eat it all in front of him.

"Why would you let kids watch a documentary like that?"

"I don't know! You're the one with a daughter, not me." I argued. The lights then went off and the room fell into hushed silence. Dread filled me.

On the screen was Francine Armstead. I knew it even if the name wasn't being displayed in the corner. She sat in a brown chair facing the camera. Her eyes were sad as she spoke "I realized there wasn't enough food to go around when my parents made dinner for only my sisters and myself as they went to bed hungry." She said.

The screen cut to a different chair with Catherine Yoshida now talking. There was a small polite smile on her lips. She still seemed sweet despite no longer being eight.

"My dad told me he would find food for me tomorrow. I was young and sort of just accepted that as an answer." Catherine said. "Of course, he had said that to me the day before as well. There weren't any alarms going off in my head though about what situation we were about to find ourselves in. My parents were acting like everything was fine so I thought everything was." The camera stayed on her sad sweet smile dramatically in silence.

Then there was Lamont Hodges. He looked serious with a grey suit that fit him well as he leaned back on a sofa. "We were robbed a few days before the massacre." He said as if he was just reading what the weather was like. Lamont remained expressionless the entire time as he said, "I had woken up to a loud crash in the living room. A few men had broken in and took everything from our kitchen. My father was a big man so he put up a fight but he was outmatched against bigger – hungrier men. My mother told me we would have to go a few days without food. I just assumed it was a momentary thing and they would come back with food any day."

Lamont Hodges faded as the title of the documentary _The Tales of Tarsus_ readout on the screen. Followed by more text

_Tarsus IV. The fourth inhabited planet in its star system. Colonized with inhabitants from Earth. A population of 8000 was quickly formed and settled into the planet. The events in 2246 would leave half the population executed in an order that is now called the Tarsus IV Massacre._

I sat through about ten minutes of the film which showed how the massacre came to be. Accounts of horror were shared and some Starfleet members explained how such a thing could happen. Kodos's infamous message was read out that announced his plan to execute half the population as pictures that were taken of the victims was shown. Even Bones flinched away from a few photos that were displayed. Kevin Riley was on screen for a while sharing a story of himself running through a stormy night unsure where he was headed and who he was following. When the stories became more graphic I stood up.

"I'm going to go to the restroom." I whispered to Bones.

"Well, be quick about it." Bones said back, eyes glued to the screen.

* * *

 It was a relief to find that no one else was in there. I approached a sink and sat down next to it. I couldn't hear anything that was happening outside, it was safe. Minutes past as I did nothing but sit. It was a miracle no one walked in and wondered what the hell I was doing. Everything was still, for once I appreciated the stillness.

Leaning against the wall I stretched my legs out. The only sound was my breathing. _There were others that could have been on that documentary_. The wall wasn't particularly interesting nor beautiful but I stared anyway. Blue tiles and grey tiles. One right after the other. I grew bored of the stillness eventually. I stood and looked at the mirror. _4000\. Yet you're still here. Hiding just like always_. They weren't hiding. Thomas, Kevin, Evette, all of them were out front talking about what happened without flinching. What the hell was wrong with me? Then I remembered there was one other missing. Patrica Wilson. Why wasn't she sharing her story?

I blinked and looked down. Better go back, Bones will be wondering where I went. The last thing I needed at that moment was an overprotective doctor coming in here to check on me.

For the briefest moment, I wondered how Bones would have handled Tarsus. It felt like a punch in the gut to even imagine him near that place. Images of the victims flashed in my eyes. I headed out the door.

* * *

 "What the hell restroom did you use, the one back in Iowa?" Bones whispered harshly as I sat back down.

"Got lost."

"Got lost…" Bones repeated my words with a tone of disbelief. Slowly his expression changed before leaning forward to look at me. "You're shaking… What happened?" he asked.

"I'm not feeling well." I said before closing my eyes regretting that excuse instantly. "Don't. I'm fine." I already began to argue.

It was too late as Bones' concerned expression was already on his face. "You're sick?" he asked, no longer whispering. People nearby were starting to throw us cold glances.

"No, I'm… Tired." I said in a hushed tone trying to get him to quiet down as well.

"You look terrible Jim!" Bones did not whisper.

"Stop touching my forehead."

"You're warm."

"Can-can I just watch the documentary please?" My voice cracked as I gestured to the screen. Bones remained relentless.

"Did you throw up?"

"No."

"You lying?"

"No, I wasn't vomiting."

"JT went back for you." My attention was back on the screen. The statement was made from someone behind the camera directed at Thomas Leighton. Thomas grew up to be a handsome man even with the eyepatch. He had a cruel smirk and his dark eye reminded me of Bones.

"He did." Thomas said. He traced a finger across his chin as he spoke almost fondly of the memory. "I remember, not being able to hear anything. JT was above me shouting something as he was grabbing onto the collar of my shirt. He looked panicked and I thought - it must look bad." There was an odd smile that broke out on his face.

A video of young Thomas appeared on screen when Starfleet members had just rescued him. He looked to be in horrible condition as some doctors rushed into a room away to treat his wounds.

It was back on present Thomas now. He leaned forward towards whoever he had been speaking to. "For a few days, we stayed there. I think they did it for my benefit. I regained my hearing, fortunately... JT presented himself as an optimist. Cheered up the kids. While they were asleep though. I would see the real him. The part of him he dared not show the others. He was angry. We would passionately discuss what we would change for hours. Then one night, JT looked me right in the eye and told me " _When we get out of here. I'm going to get answers for this_." Before adding that he was also going to get me a pirate ship. But it was the " _When_." That I clung to... The way he said it. The certainty." Thomas fell silent looking off into the distance.

"When was the last time you saw JT?" A woman's voice asked. Thomas's eye flashed back towards her

"The night we were captured." Thomas answered. "The rest of us was put into a dark room together except him. I saw Kodos leading him elsewhere. JT was trying to fight his way back to us but by then he was too starved to do much damage. I saw a photo of him they took during the rescue. He is out there, somewhere… Getting answers hopefully."

I was still shaking, I hadn't noticed it before Bones pointed it out and now I couldn't focus on anything else. "I don't feel well after all." I whispered. "I'm going to get some rest."

"You need me to do anything?" Bones asked.

"No no, it's fine. See you in the morning Bones."

"I'll come to check on you after this is over. See if I have anything that could help." I could only nod at Bones' words. I knew I couldn't talk him out of checking on me. All I could do was act asleep by the time he came around.


	3. Study Group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones takes Jim Kirk to study group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY LAPTOP BROKE! I did not mean for this chapter to be so late. I'm so sorry. And thank you for all of the kudos and comments. It means a lot

It was one of those nights where I had several dreams. Most was nightmares. I couldn’t stop Thomas Leighton from bleeding no matter how much I tried, and I tried everything. Evette was missing, and I couldn’t find her. All I could hear was screaming. Bones was with me in the last one, but we were still in Tarsus. I was trying to get him out of there. He didn’t belong there, but it didn’t matter to them. They were going to hurt him, and I couldn’t stop them. I was feeling exhausted but anxious when I awoke to the sound of my door opening. Despite the nightmares I was still tired. I would gladly give a robber everything if he would just leave quickly. Thankfully, it was Leonard's friendly grumpy face that I saw as I peeked one eye open. He was carrying two bags in one hand and coffee in the other.

“What's that?” I asked as best as I could with half my face still pressed into the mattress.

“Breakfast.”

It was at that moment I remembered how hungry I was.

“Please tell me it's for me.”

“Half of it is.” Bones answered handing me one of the bags. I sat up and stuffed my hand in the bag grabbing a donut.

“So happy.” I said with a mouthful of my breakfast. As I chewed Bones placed the coffee down on the dresser next to me and put his hand on my forehead. “Bones.” I said in an annoyed tone.

He pulled away seeming pleased with however my forehead felt. “You seem better this morning.” He said.

“Breakfast healed me.” I managed to say in-between bites.

It was a Saturday, but Bones still looked as nice as ever. Even the finest of students here dress down during the weekends. Not Bones though. He even woke up early to buy me breakfast, not that I’m complaining.

“Better get dressed soon then.” Bones stepped back and began to head out the door. Wait it is Saturday, right?

“Why? M’tired.”

“Study group for the essay.”

No no no. When did I agree to a study group? I probably never did and Bones took it in his own hands to invite me. Which is helpful in every instance other than now. “I don't feel good.” I said quickly.

“Nice try.” Bones said as he exited out the door. I sighed and dropped my head down back into my pillow. 

* * *

 

I went to two different study groups before this one and both were sort of fun. Granted, there wasn’t a lot of studying but that was the fun part. I was hoping this time would be like the others. So that's why I went to the third floor of the library along with the promise of pizza. At least this time I could eat while having a breakdown. Despite showing up two minutes early, it seemed like everyone was already here. Not a good sign for a “fun” study group. They had chosen the big round table as if we were the knights of King Arthur. They were already talking among themselves. Hopefully they would keep doing that. My plan was to just write down everything they say. The sooner I got this over with the better. 

“Gaila!” I greeted happily as I recognized my second favorite person there. I looked towards Uruha. “And Amelia?”

“Not my name.” Not-Amelia Uruha said. She looked over at Bones on the other side of the table. “You didn't say you were bringing him.” She snapped. Ouch,

 Bones shrugged. “I'm bringing Jim.” I smiled at his response and took the seat next to him. He moved the box of pizza towards me.

While eating I examined the rest of the group. There were two other guys with us. One I didn't recognize and the other I vaguely knew of as Shaun Finnegan. Finnegan was smiling and so was Gaila, but it didn’t fool me into thinking I stepped into a study group that was just going to have pleasant conversations. Not when Bones and Uhura were here.

“First things first. Who picked who?” Uruha asked everyone.

The others replied with their prepared answers. They even had paragraphs written in their essays while I haven’t even opened a document. Bones and Gaila picked sweet little Evette. She had been the youngest in the group and required extra care. Not that we minded.

Shaun Finnegan chose Francine. He had lingered on the modern photo of her on the screen as he pulled up photos. I highly suspected he only chose her because he found her attractive.

The other student whose name I never caught chose Donovan. That's when everyone's attention turned to me. I haven't even considered anyone yet. Instead of names flashing through my mind it was Evette Molson’s little feet that was bloodied from running, Kevin Riley’s tears as he tried to keep quiet, Patricia Wilson’s screams, and Thomas Leighton’s body lying in the mud as I feared the worst. Thomas… I remembered him talking in the documentary. That look in his eye as he talked about the past. He didn't even hesitant to talk about when he was injured. He was brave, still is.  “Thomas.” I answered after what I hoped wasn't an awkward couple of seconds.

“Which ones are coming here?” Finnegan asked.

Despite Finnegan looking at Uruha for the answer, it was Gaila who answered happily. “Thomas, Lamont, and Evette.”  _Oh shit_. Is it too late to switch to Catherine?

Finnegan seemed to ignore the answer to the question he asked and kept his attention on Uruha with another fresh question. This time directly at her.  “Who did you choose?”

“JT.”

“Good way to get out of attending an interview.” I muttered quietly, or so I thought.

Uruha turned to look right at me. “I'm going to meet Thomas, Lamont and Evette to ask them questions about JT.” She said.

“Of course, you are.” I replied.

“It's best to know what questions to ask each one of them. So, if any of you are going to the interview, be sure to study up on them before it.” Uruha announced to everybody. She had already become the unofficial leader of this study group. I didn't care, I didn't even agree to be here.

“Know what you're going to ask Thomas?” Bones leaned in to ask me.

“I'm just going to let the others ask questions.” I said.

Without saying anything, Finnegan pulled up pictures of the deceased on the screen. I quite visibly flinched and looked away.

“The pictures might be gruesome.”

“Thanks for the warning.” I said dryly.

 

That's when they began to take turns reading and telling information that could be used for our essays and the individuals we chose. I tuned most of it out for my own benefit. The photos were harder to ignore. Especially since Finnegan seemed fond of clicking through them. Actually, that seemed to be the only thing Finnegan was focusing on. At one point he even typed bodies in the search bar. I gently tapped my knuckles on the desk without even knowing I was doing it until Bones threw me an annoyed look. I stopped. Instead I kept my eyes down on the table.

Either he noticed I wasn't participating or he just wanted to be helpful, Bones asked the group “How old was Thomas during this?” which dragged me back into the conversation.

It took a moment of Finnegan clicking through stuff again on his screen “12” he answered.

“And JT?” Uruha asked.

“13” Finnegan said.

“He was like the leader of the group, wasn't he?” Gaila asked.

“Yes, he was-” Uruha began in an almost bragging tone.

“Thomas.” I found myself interrupting her. Everyone turned to look at me. “Thomas was the leader.”

Uruha sighed as if I had the information wrong. “Thomas got injured and JT took over. He also saved Kevin and Thomas.” She said.

“They all saved each other.” I said. She looked at me with an unreadable expression.

“Just write down JT led them anyway.” Finnegan whispered to Uruha. I was frustrated about this for a moment before I glanced at Uruha’s PADD as she typed.

 

_Thomas and JT were almost leaders to the group, but each of them took care of each other._

 

I hid a smile.

“Why didn't Patricia Wilson help with the documentary like the rest?” Finnegan asked anyone who was listening. I had been wondering the same thing. Mostly because I wanted to know how she was doing. The others looked well, was Patricia okay? Was she able to find a life for herself? Or was she like me and stuck having nightmares of what we went through? She deserved better than being trapped in Tarsus. I can't say the same about me. 

“Maybe because it was too traumatizing?” Bones answered.

“It's been how long? Shouldn't she be over it?”

I stilled. Patricia’s screams were ringing in my eyes. How could anyone get over that? I slowly looked over to Finnegan whose attention turned to me because of the cold stare I was giving him.

“What did you say?” I asked, voice already harsher than I should have let it be.

“She's a grown woman now.”

“Her entire family was murdered.”

“She wasn't.”

I was thankful when Bones spoke up. “Hard to believe but families getting murdered can sometimes traumatize people for life Finnegan.” Bones said in his trademark  _You’re an idiot_  voice.  I had nearly forgotten he was with me.

“The others talked about it just fine.” Finnegan carried on anyway.

“Maybe she wasn't ready to.” I said.

I’m not sure in what tone I said it but it made everyone look quite concerned as if I was about to straight up fight Finnegan in the library. Gaila looked towards Uruha who had grabbed the screen away from Finnegan and began pulling something up for us. Bones was staring at the side of my face.

“Can we get back on subject please?” Uruha asked.

Finnegan’s smile grew wider. He grabbed my shoulder. I clenched my fist. Fighting in the library didn’t seem that ridiculous anymore. “Of course. Jimmy and I just got a little sidetracked.” He said.

_Patricia had her cousin with her. A fragile looking girl named Gwen. They were close in age and grew up together. They reminded me of Sam and I. Gwen was with us for a while until she wasn’t. The same man who nearly killed Thomas had killed Gwen. I remember her body falling as she was attempting to run. I remember Patricia’s screams. Thomas turning to look at her before he fell as well. I couldn’t lose Thomas. Not him too. I tackled the man and Patricia picked up the weapon. It wasn’t on stun._

“Jim.”

I was back in the library. Bones had his hand on my arm and he was looking at me. There was something in his eyes. If it wasn't for his hand holding me in place, I’d feel like I would sink out of here and back there with the screams.

“Huh?”

“Where did you go?” He asked in a whisper. 

“Sorry.”

Sadly, Bones let go of my arm. The others were discussing Kodos, not paying attention to what was happening on our side of the table. They felt very distant now. 

“Everything okay kid?” Bones asked me.

I swallowed. “Yeah, why?”

“You seem… quieter than usual.” He asked.

“Tired.” It wasn’t exactly a lie.

There was a picture of Kodos up now. Finnegan was rambling on about the moral dilemma that Kodos had faced before he made his decision. I didn’t much care for Finnegan. Uruha didn’t seem to either as she kept raising her voice above Finnegan. Earlier I had thought I was about to fight Finnegan, but now I'm concerned Uruha was about to. If she does, then it would make this entire study group worth it. 

 “Let’s ditch them and get something to drink.” Bones whispered.

Nothing at that moment could have sounded any sweeter. “I love you so much right now.”

* * *

 

 Bones bought the good stuff and did all of the talking. He was the best doctor I've ever had because he turned a bad day into a decent Saturday. He was complaining about Finnegan most of the time. I laughed when Bones got distracted from his own rant at the mention of space travel.  It transformed from " _Finnegan is the dumbest man I've ever met."_  to  _"Oh don't mention space to me. It's scarier than Finnegan."_  I tried to reason with him about how it was the most beautiful and mystifying thing that humans could explore. Bones wasn't having it. " _Most terrifying you mean."_

 We eventually found our way back to my room still loudly arguing about space. We probably woke everybody up but neither of us cared at that moment. 

"-all the discoveries we are making daily!" I shouted. 

"Do you mean all the nightmares we are discovering daily?" Bones said. 

"You're such a pessimist Bones."

"You're just young." Bones said. He sat down and leaned against the wall. "I mean think of what happened at Tarsus IV? I'd rather keep my daughter in Georgia away from this mess. Even if it's away from me."

For a while the two of us sat in silence. Bones was staring at the wall ahead as I just looked at him. I was so caught up with Tarsus and myself that I didn't think that Bones might had been going through stuff as well. I wished I could think of what to say, but nothing was coming to me. 

"I'm tired." I said after a while. 

Bones lazily turned his head to look at me. A half smile formed on his lips.

"Hey, we can study Sunday after Evette’s interview.” He said. 

“I can't.” I said. “Have to go to church.” I nearly cringed at my own lie.

Bones looked confused. Rightfully so.

“At night?” He asked.

“Evening service. Lasts a long time in this church.” I said.

He laughed, which sounded oddly out of place now after that silence. "Just say you're ditching me for some girl." Bones said. That was probably a more believable lie, he was better at this than me. 

"I'm ditching you for some girl."

Bones stood with a groan.

"Alright. Have fun at church."

* * *

 

 I sat on the edge of my bed. For nearly an hour I had been debating on whether or not I should call Christopher Pike. Before this I was thoroughly convinced I would talk to him about the essay and request to be allowed to skip it. He knew I was there and he probably hadn't a clue that I was being forced to do this assignment. If he did he would have already talked to me about it, or he would have at least warned me.

 Yet as soon I had the time to make the call I couldn't. If I wanted to be captain of a ship one day I couldn't just run from things that made me uncomfortable. This was something I had to face eventually. I stood and made my way out the door but when it opened Bones was standing on the other side. We were both momentarily surprised to see each other. “Hey you're here. I was going to double check if you can-”

“I'm about to leave.” I said it. I'll face my problems on another day.

Bones raised an eyebrow and looked straight through me. We were so drunk last night it seemed like he had to remember what I was talking about. The memory slowly reached him. 

“To church?” He said, clear disbelief in his voice.

“Yep.” Wait no. We didn't settle on that lie did we? "Meeting a girl there." Yes, there we go.

"Is there even a church nearby?” He asked.

“Yeah. It's small. Easy to miss.” I couldn't even force my voice to sound convincing as I spoke.

“Alright.” Bones said. “Talk to you later then.”

“Have fun.” I clicked the door shut behind him.

Tomorrow. I'll face my problems tomorrow.

 

The next day I received a message as I was waiting out in the hallway for a class to begin. It was twenty minutes earlier than I normally show up, but I needed to dodge Bones today. He wasn't an idiot. He must have already figured something was up by now. 

 

_Lamont’s interview is at Wednesday- L. McCoy_

 

With a sigh I leaned my back against the wall. After a few seconds I typed a response.

 

_Can't. Church. - J. Kirk_

 

“So believable. Yeah, Bones totally is going to fall for that again. Just like how he absolutely fell for it the first time. Excellent job Jim. You idiot.” I said to myself. That's when I noticed a Vulcan was walking by and giving me a quizzical look. I gave a half-embarrassed wave which only earned me a raised eyebrow. When he walked away I checked my PADD again.

 

_Last Wednesday you were getting drunk at a bar - L. McCoy_

 

The two don't necessarily have to be mutually exclusive, but I was with Bones before and after that so that lie was out the window before it had even begun.

_I'm trying to repent for that - J. Kirk_

Bones didn't reply.

 

The entire week went by slowly and painfully. Everyone around me was only focused on getting prepared for the interviews and essays. I forgot to bring Bones his coffee twice which had him in an even grumpier mood. I barely noticed though as videos of Tarsus would be playing. At one point it stayed on a photo of me much longer than I desired. I sunk in my chair and watched the class in fear that someone would turn around and look at me. Thankfully that didn't happen, but I launched out of my chair anyway as soon as we were dismissed. Bones had to do a half run to catch up with me.

“Hey Jim, I-” Bones had already begun to say.

“Can't. I have a-” I started.

“I was going to ask you if you could take notes for me Friday. My daughter is coming to visit me. Spending the day with her.” Bones said.

“Oh.” I slowed down. Well that didn't sound unreasonable. At least he won't be sitting next to me, so I wouldn’t have to hide my distaste for the topic. Bones was still awaiting an answer. “Yeah of course.”

* * *

 

Bones showed back up again Saturday. To be completely honest I had missed him Friday despite the constant fear he would keep talking about Tarsus. So, when he found me in the afternoon I smiled. It was returned but it didn't meet his eyes. That concerned me.

“I found a different study group. One without Finnegan. It’s right after Thomas’s interview at the lab.” He said with less emotion than he normally does. The disappointment must have been clear on my face because Bones stopped smiling.

“Oh, I wish you told me earlier. I have a thing at-” I started to say.

“Did I do something wrong?” Bones interrupted.

I was not expecting that. My lie stopped in its tracks.

“What?” I asked, my eyebrows furrowed together.

“I- you've been… dodging me.” Bones spoke with small smile now, but he seemed to be just as uncomfortable as I was.

I started to shake my head before I was able to find words. “No.” I finally said. “No, you didn't do anything wrong.”

Bones looked relieved but also unconvinced. “You sure?”

“Yeah of course. It's not you it's-”

“Dear god you're breaking up with me.” Bones interrupted. It broke the tension as we both started to grin. He crossed his arms and was much more relaxed now. “What's wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing wrong my ass. What’s wrong?” Bones asked again.

There was nothing but sincerity in that smile. No judgement. It was then I realized how much I trusted him. Why was I hiding this from him? Bones is just Bones. I felt my entire posture become less tense.

“When I was a kid I-” I began. That's when my PADD went off.

“Alarm for the interview?” Bones asked.

“Yeah.” I said. I hadn't planned on going but I felt safer now. I looked up and smiled at my friend. “I'll meet you at the study group.” I promised.

Bones smiled back. “You're going?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

 “Pay attention at that interview!” I heard Bones shout at me as I made my way to the auditorium, but I was far too nervous for that. God, I hope Thomas doesn't see me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not happy with this chapter but I'm actually looking forward to writing the next one


	4. The Thomas Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim Kirk sees Thomas Leighton again. However he tries not to let Thomas see him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for your kudos and comments. I'm really bad at responding to them but I love them dearly.

I had managed to find a seat in the very back where the light barely reached. There was more people than I expected to be here, for that I was grateful. Now Thomas had no reason to look all the way back here for people asking questions. People who asks questions don't sit in the back. Just to be safe though, I sunk in my chair and hoped someone tall sat in front of me.

I saw Uruha in the front. She wasn't even chatting with anyone like most people here were doing. With a PADD in her hand she was ready for notes. Does she take everything so seriously? Or did she just enjoy doing this particular assignment?

As I wondered about Uruha that is when he showed up. Thomas Leighton. He became a tall, dark, and handsome stranger. He swaggered on stage with his eyes looking around to the crowd looking almost nervous. Strangely I didn't feel anxious to see him and instead found myself smiling as Thomas awkwardly looked around for a few more seconds.

“Nice to meet you guys.” Thomas began in a cool voice that I only recognized from the documentary. He definitely didn't sound like that when we were kids. “To be perfectly honest I wasn't expecting a stage. Am I giving a seminar? I haven't prepared anything.” He rambled on a bit as the audience gave a few chuckles in response. “Guess this is the only room they could fit all of you in.”

That was when Thomas noticed a chair on the stage to which he casually walked towards. “Oh, a chair. That'll make things less weird.” A few more chuckles from the audience. When he was seated he relaxed finally. With a sideways smirk he scanned the crowd. Thankfully he didn't look in my direction. “I'm Thomas Leighton, as you all know because well… You showed up for me. So, who wants to start?”

That was when hands went up. It was selfish but I couldn’t help but be grateful that I wasn't in Thomas’s shoes. I couldn't imagine what he must be feeling right now. I slid down a little further into my chair. It was harder to see Thomas sitting that way which was disappointing but it also meant he couldn't see me.

Thomas pointed as a red headed guy in the front. Then the guy stood and asked “You didn't talk about your family much in the documentary, what were they like?”

“Well my parents were kind and gentle people who always seemed like they knew what they were doing. Then I had two brothers who was vastly different from that.” Thomas smiled as he spoke. “I loved them but three boys growing up together doesn't exactly make a harmonious living space. That's actually how I lost my eye. I'm joking don't write that down.” A few people let out some awkward laughs at the weirdly timed joke.

Thomas cleared his throat and chose another person.

“JT, Patricia, and yourself was the oldest kids in the group. Did each of you protect the younger children or was that role just obtained by one person?”

Thomas looked up as if in thought. “All three of us yes. Usually not at the same time. I got injured. Patricia lost her cousin. JT would go and find food. The role was passed around I suppose.”

“Why did the survivors stay in a group instead of splitting up? Wouldn't it have been easier to hide in fewer numbers?”

Thomas went quiet. It could have been because he was thinking of how to respond but I highly suspected it was because the question irritated him just as much as it irritated me. I looked over at the guy who asked the question. This asshole is a future Starfleet Member? It didn't dawn on him at any point in this assignment that scared children might want to stick together? A deep breath was audible before Thomas answered.

“I would have never survived on my own.” Thomas’s voice was much calmer than I expected it would have been in his answer. “I highly doubt seven-year-old Kevin Riley or eight-year-old Evette would have been able to scavenge for food by themselves. We would have been easily captured when we would take a much-needed rest if we didn't have someone on guard duty during the night. Being in a group kept us alive. Made us have something to protect besides ourselves. It kept us going.”

Well that was definitely better than the upset answer I would have gave him.

“What is Patricia Wilson doing nowadays? She wasn't on the documentary.” A woman asked next.

“Don't know.” Thomas replied before choosing the next person.

“What is your plan for the future?”

“Um…” Thomas seemed to hesitate “Start a family with my fiancé.”

Hearing that made me suddenly relieved and happy for Thomas. He had someone. A person he could start a future with, a future of possible happiness for him. A fleeting moment of curiosity went through me. Thomas seemed… guarded. I wondered what type of person broke through those walls. I found myself wanting to meet his fiancé.

I myself was still too guarded. Hell, I was having trouble with friendships, I couldn't imagine starting a family. I haven't told Bones shit about me and he's definitely took notice of it. All he knows is that I'm from Iowa. His questions normally go a little like “ _You have to take care of yourself better. Did you worry your poor mother this much?”_  Or another one he asked while we were eating lunch. “ _Your siblings try to steal your food as a kid or something?”_  The questions would be pretty sneaky if he hadn't looked at me with curiosity shining in his eyes as moments passed awaiting my answer. Probably at this point he just wanted confirmation that I did indeed have a family. I would always just laugh and change the subject. I was good at that.

My attention was brought back to Thomas when another question was asked. “Do you keep in contact with any of the survivors?”

“In the beginning I did.” Thomas said. “After a while, just like all childhood friends, we drifted apart.”

Time passed slowly as several more people asked questions. Thomas usually gave short and sweet answers. Occasionally he would give a more fleshed out response but it certainly wasn't common. It was clear Thomas had already mentally checked out of this place. Can't say I blame the guy.

That was when Thomas picked a person to the left in front of me.  _What the hell is he sitting in the back and asking questions for? He should have sat in the front for that?_  I then realized that the room was so full that the guy probably didn't have any choice but to sit back here.  _Shit_. I moved my hand to slightly cover my face as a pretense that I was scratching my forehead. The person stood to ask their question. “What steps do you believe Starfleet should take to make sure an incident such as the Tarsus Massacre never happens again?”

Thomas took a bit to think over his response. He was still looking over at our direction which was making me anxious. I continued to try to casually hide my face. I just had to hope he didn't recognize me.

Eventually, Thomas answered with a smile. “I believe I should be asking you kids that instead of the other way around.” When he looked away I sighed with relief. That didn't last long as I saw who he picked next “The pretty lady with the ponytail in the front.” He pointed at Uruha.

“Can you tell us about JT?”

For a moment I thought he looked back at my direction but then he continued scanning the crowd as if he was just thinking over the question. “He may have been the oldest in the group, but he was still a child.” Thomas began. “A scared child just like the rest of us. The only difference was his ambition. It was his strength and weakness. Truth be told, I didn't understand him. I wanted to. I so badly wanted to. We were just so hungry at the end that I have no idea how he kept that strong mindset, how he kept us going.”

The praise made me uncomfortable. I stopped covering my face and looked back at the door. Surely this will be over soon. I hoped so at least.

“He was a piece of shit though.” My head snapped back towards the stage.

Thomas gaze was back at my direction. I was fairly certain he recognized me. “It's was a real  _real_  shitty move, not reaching out to the other survivors. If he is out there I mean. Hell, I would have really liked to know he was alive and well.”

I was sitting up now mostly out of surprise as I looked around to see other people's confusion. When my attention returned to the stage he continued speaking. “That would have made some nights easier to sleep through. No really, get that down. Make sure you have that JT is a little asshole.”

When I noticed Thomas was grinning I couldn't help but give an uncomfortable smile back. I guess this was one way to get back at me. “Also that he had terrible acne and an annoying laugh.” Thomas said. Okay he was just getting petty now, but I smiled anyway. Thomas didn't seem to care that he made everyone uncomfortable as he stood casually to leave. “Thank you for your questions and have a nice night.”

Instead of walking off the stage he jumped off landing on both his feet. People was looking at each other at this point not knowing what the hell made Thomas start acting like that. Everyone else began to head towards the doors as I remained sitting down as he approached me. I stood upon his arrival. There was a strange mixture of emotions within me. Fear, embarrassment, happiness, and sadness. However, surprise concerning the scene he caused was the only thing I could express on my face.

“Did you get all of the answers you needed?” Thomas asked with his hands in his pockets. There was a cruel smile on him but I didn't care.

“I'm not entirely sure all of that was accurate. He couldn't have been that bad.” I managed to get out. My words sounded wrong. Frightened.

“Are you calling me a liar?” Thomas asked. His smile disappeared with his face tightening. “I'm conflicted.”

“About what?”

“I don't know if I want to hug you or punch you.” His words came off harsh as if to show he wasn't joking about that punching part.

“Can I have a say in the matter?” I asked after a few seconds.

Thomas stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me pulling me into a tight hug. I was aware that people leaving must have been glancing over here and wondering what we were doing but I decided not to think about that. I wrapped my arms around him as well and we stayed like that for a good minute.

“I thought you were dead.” Thomas said into my ear. “You should have let us know. At least  _me_  know that you were okay.”

“I'm sorry.”

Thomas pulled out of my arms. He stepped back and examined my clothes. “Starfleet huh?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“And they're making you do an essay over Tarsus? Jesus.”

“At least I don't have to study for it.”

“There's that I suppose.” Thomas did the sideways smile I saw on the documentary. It was much more friendlier than the smile before it. “Who'd you choose? Yourself?”

“You, actually.”

Thomas raised his eyebrows. Then he swallowed “Shit I probably should have talked more about myself then.”

I laughed, the sound oddly out of place. “Yeah that's what you were  _supposed_  to do.”

Thomas beamed at me and grabbed my shoulder.

“I'm stealing you. All weekend. Come on.” Thomas must have saw the hesitation in my face because he continued talking. “It's Saturday. You don't have any classes - come on man. It's the least you can do for me.”

Thomas was right, it was the least I can do for him. I remembered the words he spoke on stage, how he couldn't sleep because he wondered what happened to me. That was my fault. I never once reached out to him.

“Alright.” I weakly nodded. “Let me just get my things.”

I grabbed the PADD from the chair I had been sitting on and typed up a message for Leonard. At least this time it wasn't a lie.

_Have to cancel. Something came up - J. Kirk_

Just a couple of moments later I received a response

_Why am I surprised? - L. McCoy_

I didn't have enough time to think over what Leonard sent me as Thomas was already leading me out the door.


	5. Weekend With Thomas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim spends more time with Thomas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bitch to write sorry it took forever. However it's longer than the previous chapter so that's something. Thanks to everyone who gave a kudos or commented on the story! And thanks to anyone just reading. I appreciate you guys as well!!

Thomas had chosen a bar right outside the campus. It had made me nervous as it was one Bones and I frequently visited together. I didn't exactly want to be caught drinking with Thomas Leighton as that raised questions I didn't want to answer. It was the reason I changed out of my uniform before we left. Even as I changed I was looking over my shoulder the entire time in fear that Bones was going to appear and ask why the hell I was hanging out with a Tarsus IV survivor.

However, at the moment the paranoia was replaced by overwhelming happiness that can only be brought out by seeing a face I never thought I would see again. A face that I so closely connected to traumatic memories in the past that I forgot that he didn't just exist in nightmares.

Smiling at me was a memory all grown.

“So what's your real name? It can't be JT." Thomas asked as we were given our drinks.

I remember when I thought calling myself that would make a brighter future for me. I thought I was leaving my past behind for better times - better years.

At the same time, I couldn't be more grateful that it wasn't my name that I associated with the event. It was already followed around by my father’s ghost. Two events wouldn't have done it any good.

"Jim."

"Jim. Jim with no middle or last name." Thomas nodded at the answer but his words showed he wasn't satisfied with it.

"James Tiberius Kirk." I said with a hint of shame in my voice.

For a second I thought he wouldn't understand what that name meant. Then I saw the realization run across his face.

"Kirk?”

"Yeah."

Thomas lifted the glass in his hand towards his mouth. "That... makes sense." he said before taking a drink. Then, when he placed it back down on the counter, he returned back to speaking. "So you're not exactly as hidden from fame as I thought you were. I definitely can't hide from it. Not with this reminder all the time." He gestured towards the eyepatch.

"I'm sorry." 

The apology caused a reaction out of Thomas who turned to look back at me with his eyebrows pressed together in confusion. His eye looked my face over.

"You didn't do it.” Thomas said sounding offended by my apology. “Plus the asshole who did do it was killed by Pats anyway so." The familiar nickname made me remember the other person missing from the documentary.

“Where is Patricia?”

“Last I've heard she is living with her girlfriend.”

“Is she happy?”

“I don't know.” Thomas answered, voice softer than before.

“Are you?”

The smirk returned back on his sharp face. “Right now, I am.”

* * *

 

 After a few drinks in, Thomas the Talkative decided to catch me up to his entire life story with wild hand gestures all the while becoming one of the loudest people in the bar. I didn't mind. It was something I had forgotten about Thomas. He had a way of grasping my attention. The way he moved and spoke - he was a natural at maintaining conversations. I imagined he had more than one friend unlike me. It reminded me of those nights we would stay up next to each other keeping guard. The secrets we shared with each other as well as our attempts to lighten the mood.

I don't even think we would have been friends if it wasn't for that situation that pushed us together. We had been two entirely different kids before Kodos. I had been a troublemaker already - acting out soon after Sam left. While Thomas was just a happy kid in a happy living situation. I probably would have held that against him out of jealousy at the time if things had gone differently. But instead, I was wishing he could have stayed that happy.

“My grandparents became overprotective when I went to live with them and I can't really blame them. Their son and two grandsons were killed so it's understandable. But it made sneaking out hard.” Thomas said - no longer even paying attention to his drink at this point.

“Bet you still did.” I said.

“You'd win money because I slept in the second floor but there was a tree right outside the window. However, I was terrible at climbing, as you remember.” Thomas gestured towards me.

“You fell more than all of the rest of us combined. Little kids included.” I remembered.

“I fell from that tree more times than not. Yet, there was someone worse at climbing than I was.”

“Who?”

“My high school girlfriend.” Thomas said.

I had to put down my drink to lean forward.

“Oh shit.”

“Zoe fell right off the highest branch and broke her arm. In the middle of the night to make things worse. She was screaming and I was panicking knowing I was going to get in trouble because my grandparents were waking up over the noise.” Thomas stopped a moment to dramatically sign. “Now I'm not proud of this-”

I laughed at the beginning of that sentence.

“I have a feeling this relationship didn't last long.”

Thomas carried on talking as if I hadn't said anything. “I pretended she was a robber and called the cops.” I erupted into more laugher, much louder than before. Thomas grinned as he tried to explain himself. “I couldn't let them know I was sneaking a girl in my room. My grandfather was scary as hell.”

“Damn if you had those morals at Tarsus you would have killed us all.” I hadn't really meant to say that out loud. It was probably the alcohol’s fault.

Luckily, Thomas wasn't offended. “Zoe wasn't going to die; she was just overreacting.” He argued.

“Did that plan work?”

“Hell no, the cops saw right through it!” Thomas all but shouted. He was a loud drunk. “Zoe broke up with me-”

“Good. Poor Zoe.” I interrupted.

“-and that was the angriest my grandfather had ever been. It felt like he screamed at me the rest of the night. He might have even hit me I don't remember.”

I stopped smiling when my own memories of Frank filled my thoughts. Thomas was still smiling as I examined his face to see if he was serious or not.

“You don't remember?” I asked.

Thomas looked over at me and noticed the expression on my face. He stopped smiling as well before rushing words out of his mouth. “He didn't make a habit of it if that's what you're thinking.” He said.

I nodded but the joyful mood we had moments before wasn't recaptured the rest of the night.

* * *

 

 Thomas brought me to his hotel room wishing to talk to me some more before going our separate ways. I was nervous about being caught talking to him but it was late at night and I enjoyed catching up with him so I agreed. We got a ride back as Thomas carried most of the conversation on the way there.

It was a slightly more pleasant conversation than the one back at the bar. Thomas would mention Tarsus occasionally but I would steer the conversation back to whatever we were talking about before it went there. Eventually however I grew hungry and went out to bring us back some food.

It was when I was trying to return back with the food that I turned the corner of the hallway and ran into

“Finnegan.” I said more out of surprise than a greeting.

“Jimmy! Hey kid, are you getting laid too?” Maybe you'll stop looking so miserable all the time!” Finnegan hit me on the shoulder quite roughly.

Thomas must have heard voices in the hallway because he walked out of his room and shouted “Damn I'm starving again Jim, you take forever!” Before he saw me with somebody.

“Sorry about that” I said back, my voice was oddly quiet so I was unsure if he heard me. Looking back at Finnegan I noticed he was still staring at Thomas.

“It’s alright.” Thomas said.

Thomas examined the man I was with. It was clear he couldn't tell if I needed his help with a fight or if I needed him to go away for the protection of my identity. He chose the second as he returned back to his hotel room throwing me a worried glance.

“Isn't that Thomas Leighton?” Finnegan asked as soon as the door closed.

I was trying to work out an answer in my head but Finnegan went back to talking.

“I see why you didn't need to go to our study groups anymore, when you can just talk to the man himself!”

“I gotta go.” I tried to walk passed him.

“Wait, how do you know him?” Finnegan responded - blocking my path.

“I know him because of the assignment.”

“Think he can introduce me to Francine Armstead?” The question made me tense up.

“Why are you looking angry Jimmy? Come on - you saw her on that documentary right? You saw that figure just as I did.”

Finnegan had a stupid necklace around his neck where my hands wanted to be. He was taller but I think I could still reach and hold on for quite a bit.

I could even use the necklace instead.

“It’s just a joke relax. Even though it would help me on my essay you know? Since you get to talk to Thomas it's only fair I get to talk to the subject of my assignment.” Finnegan continued as if it wasn't clear on my face that I loathed everything he was saying.

“Hasn't she been through enough?” I bit out sharply.

“Oh funny, but I would treat her well. Really well.”

I took a step towards Finnegan. This wasn't the academy, there was no one around to see me punch the side of his mouth. However, I settled with words for the moment.

“Stop talking about her like that.” I said in a low voice.

“It's a joke! Who am I hurting here? Relax a bit will you?”

I finally exhaled a breath to regain control of my anger and walked passed him. He didn't stop me this time.

“Fine! See you around Jimmy!” I heard Finnegan shout behind me.

Before I made it back to the door I received a call which just amplified my stress that Finnegan caused. I turned back to make sure he was a good distance away before answering the call.

“What?” I asked rubbing a hand over my face. There was no need to bother checking who made the call because I knew who it was. Why does everything always have to happen at once and usually during a bad time?

“Hey Jim, sorry about my last message.” I heard Bones start to say. “Where are you kid? I need to complain about shit.”

God,  _he_  needed to complain about shit? After that passive aggressive message he sent me just hours ago?

“I'm too tired for this.” I said.

“You alright?” And Bones already started in on me.

“I meant emotionally and mentally. Just stop bothering me.”

Finnegan couldn't have enough information to put two and two together…. surely… All he knows is I have hanged out at least once with Thomas Leighton. He doesn't know the relationship goes deeper than that. Even if he did figure it out, he probably wouldn't tell anybody…. God who am I kidding. He would tell everybody.

“Didn't realize I was such a bother to you.” Bones said.

The news would spread around quickly. Questions about my mental stability would spread just as fast. Would Bones mention my panic attack to somebody? He definitely doesn't let me hide when I have the cold or flu. He is always dragging me around for checkups. Why would this be any different? He would diagnose it as PTSD and I would be seen as unfit for Starfleet.

“Are you always this needy? Jesus no wonder she left you.” I snapped. My selfish fears and anxieties left me the moment those words left my mouth. Now there was only one thought on my mind.  _Oh my god what did I just say?_

“God wait I didn't mean that.” I said, panicked.

Seconds passed as my stomach felt like it was doing flips. I walked away from the door as if it would help me fix the situation and possibly to make sure Thomas couldn't hear. I opened my mouth to explain but Bones spoke before I could. “ _You meant it_.” he replied, his real anger sounding so much different than his normal grumpy ‘anger’. The call was disconnected right after. I went straight to messaging.

  
_I’m sorry - J. Kirk_

I muttered every swear word that crossed my mind, ironically sounding more like Bones than myself at the moment. Or Thomas… They both seemed to like swearing.

_Where are you? We can talk. You can complain about shit and hit me in the face if that'll make you forgive me? - J. Kirk_

I sent another message after the first one was ignored.  

* * *

 

 “What's up?” Thomas asked as I walked in probably looking stressed beyond belief.

“Ruined a friendship.” I said, placing the food I just bought down on Thomas bed.

“That guy looked like an asshole anyway.”

“Oh no not him. I've always hated that guy. No, I received a call right after that and I said something I shouldn't have.”

“Sorry man… You got me at least?” Thomas said.

Until I screw that up as well.

I wasn't that hungry anymore and instead I pulled up my neglected essay.

“This damned assignment.” I breathed out.

“Oh you have to let me help. It is about the great Thomas after all.” Thomas walked across the room and snatched the PADD from my hand.

“I don't like reliving this stuff.”

“Clearly you're writing it wrong.” Thomas replied. He began to type which snatched my attention back to him.

“What?” I asked. “What are you writing?”

Thomas just grinned at me as he continued.

“Here.” He finished quickly.

I gave him a skeptical look before taking the PADD and reading over what he wrote. I laughed and shook my head. “I can't… I can't have this on my essay.”

_Thomas likes top shelf whiskey and is unquestionably the best at video games. He knows a total of three jokes that he uses in conversation to sound funny and they made about ⅔ of the people he used them on laugh. Other skills include being able to guess what people were talking about when he wasn't listening, smiling at people he doesn't like, clapping, not caring anymore when he has nightmares, wrapping towels around his waist, and surviving massacres. Thomas likes long walks on the beach with ten hot babes who all have a martini in hand. All of the martinis is for Thomas though._

“But it's all true.” Thomas argued with a defensive tone.

“Even the last part?”

“I said  _likes_  not  _has_.”

 

 

 In less than an hour I found myself an exhausted and wishing to return back to my room for the night. Thomas called a ride for me as we waited outside. He only asked once if I would like to sleep on the chair in his hotel room instead of returning all the way back to the academy for the night but I declined.

“Hey JT - I mean Jim.” Thomas corrected himself.

“It's fine.” I said.

Thomas didn't speak again for a bit. I thought perhaps there was going to be the end of it until finally he found the question he wanted to ask.

“Is it only the survivors that you could do the assignment over?”

“So I've been told.” I said.

"That's kind of shitty.”

“Yeah.”

“There was sixteen of us in those woods.” Thomas didn't need to remind me.

“I know.”

“Jim?”

“Yeah?”

“I still haven't moved on like everybody else.” Thomas admitted while refusing to turn to look at me as we waited.

I examined his face with a frown before turning away as well.

“Not everybody else did.”

* * *

 

 The next day arrived and I was with Thomas again since I couldn't exactly hang out with Bones after last night's conversation.

Thomas was in a good mood again and smiled like nothing bad had ever happened to him before. It must have rubbed off on me a little bit because I found myself smiling despite everything that happened yesterday.

“I told you I was stealing you all weekend, remember?” Thomas said to me as we walked on the sidewalk.

“I mean it's Sunday and you said that Saturday night.” I reminded.

“Shhhh don't argue with me. Monday is now a weekend.”

“I have classes.”

“I will say please.”

“I will not care.”

“Jim. I lost an eye.” Thomas said.

I stopped walking and turned to look at him with a surprised expression. Thomas looked innocently back at me.

“Oh my god are you seriously going to use that against me?” I asked, horrified.

“I will if I have to.”

“That's horrible.”

“It is horrible that I lost an eye.” Thomas agreed.

“Fine.” I snapped the word out of my mouth. “Monday isn't that important anyway.”

“Yes!” Thomas cheered. “You're the best Jim.” He hands clasped my shoulder for a second before he decided he wanted to continue walking like he was in a hurry to see the world. I didn't get his attitude but I went along with it anyway.

I sighed and started walking again. “So what are your plans anyway?” I asked, a little by behind Thomas now so he had to slow down so I could catch back up with him.

“I hear they are showing the Tarsus IV documentary somewhere in the city as well.”

My eyes widened and I cut my eyes back at him.

“I'm fucking with you oh my god.” Thomas laughed.

“Thomas.” I began, worried about the dark sense of humor that Thomas was starting to present to me.

However, Thomas interrupted me. “I was just thinking the bar again."

“You drunk a lot last night - oh.” There was a reason this situation felt horribly familiar and wrong at the same time. I've had similar conversations like this one before but this time I’m the overprotective older friend.

Remembering Bones made me want to vomit. The memory of what I said to him last night wouldn't leave me now and I suddenly agreed with Thomas about drinking.  _You meant it_. I've never heard Bones use that tone before. It was so pained and unlike him that I felt horrible that I was the one that brought that out of him.

“So? Drink the pain away right?” Thomas asked.

“Yeah I guess that'll be fine - you don't have a drinking problem do you? Am I enabling you?”

“Nah. I'm just trying to avoid going home to be honest.” Thomas said, casually as if he wasn't admitting something right there.

“Why?”

“I'm getting married.” Thomas said.

“Isn't that a good thing?”

“It's a great thing. I love her. She perfect… and I'm…” Thomas stopped wherever he was going with that sentence and changed the subject. At that moment I understood how Bones felt a lot more than I thought I ever would.

* * *

 

It was clear something was up with Thomas Leighton.

He wasn't talking a lot but at the same time tried to act like everything was absolutely fine. The smiles and nods as he forced me to carry on the conversation this time was painfully fake. He was listening but I would catch a quick snarl of his nose or the flash of a frown and the momentary look of resentment as he looked at me. I had to remember if it was actually Bones I pissed off last night and not him instead. The behavior was throwing me off completely until finally when I was talking about Pike - Thomas couldn't keep it to himself anymore.

“You're uh… Living a good life here aren't you?” Thomas asked me eventually. I should had been relieved that he was talking again but he said it the same way a parent would before criticizing your life choices.

“So are you from the sound of it” I said with a smile. Thomas gave out a harsh sounding laugh. “- a fiancé?” I asked.

“Like it'll last.” Thomas said before taking a drink.

“Thomas? You okay?”

“They pulled a lot of strings for you didn't they? George Kirk’s son.” Thomas’s cruel smile was back and his words had a bite to them. “They kept your name off the news. Let you live your life not known as the Tarsus IV boy. Then they brought you into the Starfleet Academy. Useful fucking name you have there JT. All of those friends in high places and you couldn't be bothered to send me any word that you were alive.” Thomas was getting loud and since it was my private information he was sharing I went to shushing him.

“Whoa hey what the hell I was thirteen and traumatized okay?” I said in a whispered voice. “I was focused on trying to go back to a normal life - as much as I could anyway.”

Thomas sighed and looked back at his drink. “Sorry… sorry… I just think too much.” He looked back at me. “I'm always remembering you see?”

“Maybe you've had too much to drink.” I said.

“I'm not even drunk.” Thomas said. For some reason I believed him. “The ones that starved… The ones younger than me… I could have-”

“Don't go there.” I said in a hurried fashion. “I've played around with survivor’s guilt. Don't. We all shared our food equally.”

Thomas’s nose crinkled “You didn't. You stopped eating.”

“I almost died doing so. Kodos had to- ”

“Friends in high places.” Thomas interrupted me.

“I was in the worst condition at the time he was just trying to make sure I didn't die before the Starfleet showing up.”

“I lost a fucking eye!” Thomas screamed, his voice carrying across the bar. “Have you seen this side of my face?”

“I know! I was there!” I shouted back.

“Oh, you were there?” Thomas laughed. “You want me to be grateful that you turned around to save me?”

“Will you stop yelling?!” I shouted again when we were getting everyone's attention. It was a loud bar but people tend to notice when a fight was about to break out.

“Thomas…. Thomas talk to me.” I asked, my voice returning to its normal volume.

“About what? You clearly hate talking about Tarsus. Anytime I bring it up you look literally pained, and I hate talking about how we've been doing. It feels like I'm dancing around what I want to ask.” The last part worried me even more. What did Thomas want to ask me? Did I even want to know? I knew I had to ask anyway.

“What do you want to ask?” I said, my voice not masking the concern I felt.

“Why did you give up?” Whatever I was expecting, it wasn't that question.

“I didn't.”

“You did! You stopped eating!” Thomas was beginning to raise his voice again. I didn't feel like shushing him anymore. “I was begging you to eat! I was practically screaming at you to survive and you refused to take another bite. Why would you do that to me? After everything, you were going to leave me?”

Those were memories I did not wish to revisit.

The bar was still louder than us thank god but I wished we wasn't having this conversation in public. Actually I wished we wasn't having this conversation.

“Kevin was just… so thin. I couldn't lose another one that way.”

“So I had to lose you?” Thomas’s voice sound like it was going to break.

“You didn't. I'm here.” I said.

“I thought we lost you.” Thomas repeated.

“I told you I'm sorry.”

Thomas’s anger returned despite my attempt at gentleness. “If you died you realized how messed up that would have made Kevin. He would have blamed himself. I have to tell him you're alive.”

“No no wait.” I rushed out the words.

Thomas scoffed “Oh so what? You're going to let that poor boy continue to wonder if he caused you to starve to death?”

“Fine. Tell him.” I said, the gentleness gone in my tone and replaced with annoyance because this has lasted way too long and I wasn't getting anywhere in this conversation. However, Thomas noticed the change in my voice.

“Shit… I'm sorry.” Thomas said. “I do this. I'm difficult to be friends with. I start arguments for no good reason.”

“No you're in the right to be angry with me. I can understand that fear and uncertainty. That night when you were injured. I wasn't sure if you were going to make it. If you didn't - it would have been the end of me.” I admitted.

It actually made Thomas quiet. He looked at me and looked away quickly seemingly uncomfortable by my words. He took a drink and studied the glass before finally speaking again.

“I feel the same way.” Thomas said. “Yeah if I died that night it would have been the end of me.”

I let out a laugh at the unexpected joke. “I was finally opening up.”

“It’s more uncomfortable than I thought it'd be.” Thomas admitted with a smile.

* * *

 

That Sunday night went well after the conversation as did the Monday after. I had revealed to Thomas about my problems with Frank as he talked more about his grandfather. We spoke of friends we had since then and our troubles adjusting back to earth when we were still freshly away from Tarsus.

Thomas had many questions about Starfleet Academy as I had many about his future wife, both of us giving a genuine smile as we listened to the other talk about a potentially bright future. I hoped it worked out for him. He was probably hoping the same for me.

Monday night arrived and it was time for us to say our goodbyes. Something we didn't get to do back then.  
  
“Thomas.” I said reaching out my hand.

“Jim.” Thomas smiled as he took it.

“When's the wedding?”

“18th of July” Thomas answered.

“Am I invited?”

“Not only that but if you manage to attend you can be a groomsman.” The promise sounded nice and I completely wasn't expecting it.

“Can I be the best man?” I was pushing my luck at this point and I knew it.

“Believe it or not but I do have other friends.”

“No, I believe it.” I said. “I'll be there.”

“I'll send you an invite. See you then.”

“Hey, take better care of yourself.” I yelled out as he walked away. Thomas turned around to look at me. He gave me no nod or confirmation that he was going to do what I asked of him and instead gave me a small smile.


End file.
